Long time....

hey you two...i see no one has time to write on this post anymore. well then, i will start....

let's see, i cannot say there is much to report on my end. ever since the job fell through, i have been traveling a lot. i have a lot of holidays to use up. i went to kyoto, hiroshima, singapore and will be going to seoul next weekend. i mind as well make the best of the time i have here. i do dread the days where i have nothing to do in tokyo but what to do.

i went out two weekends ago with my friend who will be traveling back with me to new york. first started off with a bottle of champagne from her boss because she just got hired into a new team, so celebration. went to dinner, had wine, then to karaoke, beer, and decided to hit a club since it was only 12am on a saturday night. when we got to the club, it was kind of empty but then it started to get filled and we bumped into many lb people. i did not know them so it did not bother me. but as we started to chat, they all seem to know who i am, not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing....well they bought us drinks for the entire night so that was cool. around 2:30, some guys asked us to join them at a table. i was feeling tired and wanted to sit so i asked my friend if it was ok, and she too was tired. turns out these guys were on business from london. they were fun, more drinks but they were totally wasted. it was ok and my friend tried to call a guy friend to rescue us but he never showed so we decided to leave. on my way out one of the guys asked me to go for another drink somewhere else, so i did. we chatted for a while and it was nice to meet someone normal for once. we met up later during the week for another drink and we were suppose to catch up before he took off but work came up for him. that is too bad, would have liked to get to know the guy some more. he works in london so a bit far. think he will get in touch next time he's in town but not sure when that will be. that is the only news i have to share.

you two have to update me. i talk to scl often, but skoo, where are you? have not heard from you in so long.

my turn to summarize

yes it has been a long time since wrote on this blog. i am glad my photos bring back childhood memories to you skoo. i know exactly where the custom house you are referring to. my impression of shanghai was very good. i was quite impressed with everything. roads are really wide and vicky and i were able to go to the top of the tallest buildings. although i must say that jingmao center was a bit of a pain to get to. we did a lot of walking and on our final day, vicky and i walked around with our backpacks to sun yat sen's house and lu xun park. we were so tired but we had no choice due to our flight. funny thing was she asked for the directions to the maglev to the airport and i was not present. she told me that it will take 7 mins. to get to the maglev station and it is a 30 min. ride to the airport. so we were running late to catch our 4:25 flight on the subway. it was close to 3pm and we missed our transfer point, waited for the next train to go back one stop but it took too long. i was getting nervous so decided to exit the station to take a cab. cab reached the maglev station and i was looking at my watch thinking we will reach by 3:30pm latest. got on the maglev and took some photos, next thing you know, we were at the airport. it took 7mins. on the maglev. vicky got the instructions backward and we both had a big laugh afterwards.

so it was a much needed vacation for me because work has been crappy and i did not get my job offer. they cancelled the position after flying me out to HK. i was pretty depressed and needed to get away. also the company said i have too many holidays left and an email was sent to me to take leave. how strange is that? i stayed in HK for a total of 3 nights and Shanghai 2 nights. i am tired of flying after this trip so skoo i know how you feel. i have been flying every month since april. i may need to go to HK next month for a conference that is if i am invited. i really need a break from my job. i want to move to HK or Singapore this year.

i had two interviews this week but have been total flops because it was not a perfect fit for me. oh well. seriously looking for a new job is not fun at all. i feel hopeless at times and because i feel no professional development where i am at, makes me feel more jaded. i hope to find something within the next three months. my mom said i have bad luck this year so job movement may not happen. i hope it is not true. as you know already, i have been asked to leave by kangaroo. i think it is time to go but at least now i know that i am not jeopardizing my position by looking elsewhere.

anyway glad you guys enjoyed my photos. scl send me a photo of your new image :)

skoo wish i can meet up with you in seoul. i have 17 days left.

Finding my way back

You are right Steph, it is a season for reflections. Otherwise how can I explain my regained desire/strength to put down some words after a long absense right after you?

I don't know where to start, it has been sometime since I last came here. And Anita, when was the last time we talked? At the 1st floor Cafe in ANA hotel? I remember you were wearing a long coat then, it was still winter!

In the spirt of conciseness, to summarize, I think what has happened (and is still happening) to me is that I have been physically and emotionally drained. I have been travelling to Asia 4 times since Feb.- I'm always on the road or struggling to get back to local time from the jetlag. I have been trying to get used to the insominia due to the jetlags with the 3am lonliness and 6pm desperation. Don't laught at me, but my key improvement during these months is my growing ability to be composed and professional over conference calls despite fatigue or lack of preparation. Really nothing beyond that.

I have to admit part of this is what I was asking for and there was a time I felt like I was almost addicted to it. The excitement/pain from travelling away from the routine and the fact that many times these crazy travels do stimulate my thinking susprise me. But like all other addictions, indulgence is a happy feeling but never endure (or mabe it does?). I knew clearly I need to come back to reality, which means less travel and more settled down.

There are so many things going on with my work, I don't have the strength to open that can of worms. One ting worth mentioning is that unlike 2 years ago, I have developed a sense of insecurity of my immediate future. Those things I felt not quite right but still workable 2 years ago started to be more glaring now...

Anyhow...a lot of things are still ongoing and I really can't tell where are they going towards. I promise to keep you gals posted, hopefully sooner.

Anita: I have seen you pictures in Shanghai. They are very nice. Of course I will be biased as I was born in Shanghai and all those on the photos just look so familiar. I don't know if I mentioned to you gals before my mom used to work for the Customs House which is the big ben building on the Bund. When I was little I went to the day care place in the building and even now I have broken memory of my looking out of the big ben building windown at the Bund. Now everytime I look those photos again it just brings back the memory and it feels so warm though equally distant. I wish I have learnt to articulate this better...

So yes I'm just so happy to see you being there and Zhouzhuang. Your hotel look cute on the photo and the food looks delicious. Looks like Vicky and you had a good time. - How is Vicky these days?

Also to report that I'm going to Korea again July 1st, and then Beijing total 2 weeks trip. I hope this is the last international trip before this fall. I hope to spend more summer time in Corning.

Steph: I envy you have someone to have a crush on. Trust me, this doesn't happen all the time !!

A Season for Reflections

I wish there's an automatic email alert regarding this blog, or else I'll probably wait at least a month for a response.

AC - it was nice to catch up with you on the phone. I know it's random - but AC, you sound more like your old self this time. I feel like you're more relieved after your vacation. You deserve a break. The fact that Kangaroo is forcing you to leave irritates me. I wish I could just be there to tear off his kangaroo patch (creative imagination right there; it's a metaphor by the way). I feel for you. I think there's a tipping point in a career for everyone. If you've reached the boiling point, there's really no reason to take crap from anyone. We will pray for you - you deserve something better.

A lot of trivial incidents happened, and have somewhat taken a minor emotional toll on me. Am in a strange roller coaster ride recently. It's a bit embarassing to vent my frustration; after all, I'm sure you gals deal with more substantial problems each day. In a nutshell: 1) having a hopeless crush on someone at work. But all I could hope for is a seemingly accidental encounter at the pantry. Counted on the team-building bowling event but ended up acting like a fool because I was too hyper conscious that I tripped on the bowling alley. Felt bad for 1.5 days bc I appeared to be an idiot in front of someone I like. 2) Cracks within girlfriends simply because one of the members appear to be annoyingly flirtatious - went on to hit on one of our other member's secret love interest. Now there are strange dynamics going on. 3) Thoughts in the workplace - again, my own self-evaluation alarm ticked again, somehow doubt whether I'm progressing at a normal pace compared to my peers. Sometimes I feel I need a little more assurance or faith in my capability. In that light, probably more from myself than from my bosses/colleagues.

To sum it up - a season of reflections. It's funny how little things in life post-school can affect one's sanity. Maybe I'm not facing enough hardship hence am allowing little things to clog up my mind. I don't like the feeling of self doubt and frustrations. I'm risking how you guys view me by the way - don't I sound childish/whiny now? Anyway, you gals are my confidants. So I'll risk it .

Write back! I miss reading our internal exchanges. It's different when it's put into words.

update

sorry for not writing for so long. just been busy. news....ramona got paid by LB...a good amount also. i think something did happen and LB did not want any litigation.

so i have been interviewing with KBC and they flew me to HK last week. interview went well but the question now is if they can pay me. if all goes well i should be moving to HK sometime in the summer. i will be happier in HK. i will keep you guys posted.

other than that i have nothing new to report.

USCBC back in the limelight

I'm probably not that pol/IR savvy anymore but Hu's visit can't pass my eyes. The news flow has been interesting. Lucky enough I've caught the USCBC dinner for Hu on CSPAN tonight. It brings back a lot of good old memories. We've survived hosting two important figures. Remember the time when Wu Yi was here? AC and I were actually busier scouting for free dessert from the hotel servers than really trying to listen to Wu's speech. And I remember the three of us sitting in the press room listening to Wen's speech while I secretly spied on the group of HK reporters' conversation behind me. Was browsing on the screen carefully tonight, trying to see if I'd see Gloria or Bob around the corners. No luck. Of course, all the Capitol Hill women tonight were all dressed in bright red (you know, the usual style). And I was wondering if Henry Kissenger fell asleep on stage yet and again. Hu's speech was soooo long. Nothing too surprising. The male interpretor was very good though. My country is making so much progress these days...

Nothing to report on my front. Everyday is a beautiful day when NYC is in spring color. The park is my new best friend, while I'm accompanied by my Ipod and sneakers around early evening as I trot back from work through the park back home.

The end of a(n) (bad) era

I'm not sure where to begin. We've really missed each other for the past few weeks. SG - you've been globe-trotting while AC and I were busy being corporate revolutionists. Sorry for missing your call on Sat. I'm usually a terrible correspondant on weeknights. We will have to catch up over Easter break. A lot has happened in the office in the last 48 hours. While I planned to come up with a nice opening to ask for vacation time in end of May/early June, the team was shaken up by a lot of door-shutting on Monday morning. So around 9ish, one of the VPs in my group (the one that constantly gives me a rough time), shoved us all into my boss' office. With the door shut, he announced that he will be leaving the firm on the same day - moving up to UBS. It was a shocking news though my teamates all seemed to have successfully put on a poker face to cope with it. I was secretly happy, trying hard to hide my triumphant grimace behind everyone. On the positive side, it would really make my job a lot easier, and most importantly - it reduces a lot of stress. However, uncertainty is seldom welcome. I'm not sure if we're hiring a senior analyst to replace my colleague. Despite of my hatred against him, I have to admit he's pretty important, and does a decent job. In the interim, I'd envison a lot of work and perhaps a less cushioned environment for me. It was a very strange morning after the news went out. The day went by like a blur, and in the end, I managed to put on my best Oscar skills to fare him "well." Wall Street is a small place after all, and I didn't want to burn bridges. The day didn't go smoothly. After market closed, one of our 1-Overweight companies released some shitty news, with the president/CFO leaving the company. So the phone rang like crazy...like I said, it was a strange morning.

One funny anecdote - someone around my cube area approahced me today. She said, "congratulations!" I wasl like - on what? She said, "for getting ride of an obnoxious colleague." I couldn't help but laughing. I thought it was just me. Now I know that I'm not too off when it comes to judging people's characters at work. It was pretty funny though...Interestingly, I felt very good knowing that someone else is endorsing my opinion on this bastard.

Other than XX leaving the company, there is little to report. I've been really enjoying my time in the city, though I am beginning to think I deserve a break. I saw Li YunDi's concert at Carnegie Hall last week. Funny I feel like I was sitting for a Patriotic gathering - guess what, the entire audience were filled with Chinese - female. I wasn't crazy enough to bring a CD for him to sign. My friend's friend did break some disappointing news about the rising Chinese pianist - she said when she lived in Shenzhen, Li was her neighbor. He was a bad neighbor - bc the porn he constantly watched created a lot of unnecessary noise...*sorry for the excessive details* Anyway, the weird thing about the concert was that I bumped into a long-lost primary school friend. She left HK when we were in P.2 and she doesn't even speak Chinese now! She's now interning in the city for an architecture firm and will leave in a month. Still it was a funny coincidence. Again, it reinforces the Big Apple's uniqueness.

Alright, I'll update more. AC - don't worry about the whiny part. I need to be a stronger corporate warrior to gain my respect. I'm beginning to feel the need. SG, I promise we will talk. I miss having you around as a good listener...

the revolutionist

scl - i know you think i am a rebel at work. i just cannot sit idle and pretend nothing happened. i guess that is the liberal me growing up in the states. i know most asians are more passive. i am probably more passive in ny because there are more people louder than me. anyway my work situation is still the same. i started to interview with another firm but do not have anything positive to report. it is still in the works.

as part of my rage at work, someone sent me a racist email. i know the guy but i did not appreciate the email at all. i did not take action immediately and waited until last friday. the guy just pissed me off and had the audacity to lecture me about my position at work. that just made me really angry. i forward the email to HR today. most cases, he should be canned. however, being that things work so slow out here, i think he will just get warning. HR thought it was pretty bad as well.

on a lighter note, i am going to vietnam for a few days this month. someone from work is switching to a new position and had some time off. i need a break anyway. it will only be for 4 days but good to go away for a little while.

that is all i have to update so far. how are you two doing?